“Clarissa, why do you hate Fifty Shades of Grey?”
My friends have asked me this more than once and I suppose it’s time I address it at length, rather than sounding like an old biddy. First off, I hate it because the writing is godawful. The trope of “falling in love with your bully” is overused. I was bullied incessantly as a kid. Let me tell you something, I would never in a million years want to get together with someone who made me feel my value was nothing. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s definitely a ‘no’ in my book. I think it’s an overused trope.
Anyway…here are some gems. Some are laughably bad, others are just cringeworthy.
“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel … or something.”
(Or something, lol.)
“And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain — probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells — comes the thought: He’s here to see you.”
“My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five year old.”
“My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot. Anticipation hangs heavy and portentous over my head like a dark tropical storm cloud. Butterflies flood my belly – as well as a darker, carnal, captivating ache as I try to imagine what he will do to me. … And of course, I have to sign that damned contract. Or do I?”
“I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat and then to the front again. My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored Popsicle. I suck harder and harder. … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.”
Christian: “Dr. Green is coming to sort you out…”
Christian: “Because I hate condoms …”
Ana: “It’s my body.”
Christian: “It’s mine, too.”
(NO. IT IS HER BODY, CHRISTIAN!)
“He’s said such loving things today … But how long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me.”
(Romance at its finest.)
“Sitting beside me, he gently pulls my sweatpants down again. Up and down like whores.”
(Click to enlarge the images.)
Dude, there’s so little description of her. How is anyone supposed to connect with her if they don’t quite grasp who she is? Beyond someone who listens to her ‘inner goddess’ and is generally awkward and gawky. Ana is made to look like an airhead. She isn’t given a good physical description, she’s namby-pamby. Ana is a Mary Sue.
She also believes she can “save” Christian from his being “fifty-shades of fucked up”. No, honey. At what cost? To your own dignity? It isn’t worth it. The only one who can fix him is himself and a lot of therapy. Learn your value.
Third: Christian Grey.
I don’t get the hype. I don’t find him or his behavior sexy. He stalks Ana; he literally tracks her cell phone and does it more than once. He also does a background check on her; her a girl who was just doing an article on him for her college newspaper. Let’s go on. He tries to control how she learns about things; seriously, she’s limited to Wikipedia for BDSM info. He blames her if things go wrong–like, man up dude, accept that you screw up too. If Ana is near another dude? Christian loses his ever-loving mind. He gets ridiculously angry. He tries to control what she eats, who she sees and where she goes. Yeah, totally sexy. And let’s not talk about how he tries to bribe her and manipulates her.
Now, before someone says, “well, she signed a contract.” No, he was doing that pre-contract.
Also, there have been instances where Ana has used the safe word or said ‘no!’ and Christian continues anyway.
Ladies, that isn’t love. That’s rape.
If you find yourself in an abusive situation, ladies and gents, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline or try to visit a site to get information. There are ways out. You are a beautiful, wonderful person. Don’t ever let someone make you feel less than what you are. You deserve the best. To have something like this glamorize the terror you endure is disgusting.
You are not alone. You don’t need to endure someone’s abuse. There are ways out. Maybe that person does love you, but love equals respect. Don’t let anyone disrespect you.
And this is just another reason why I hate Fifty Shades; it glamorizes a dark reality. Let’s be real, if Christian was broke, he’d be on Criminal Minds. (I saw that quote somewhere and it was perfect.) There is nothing sexy about this. Be brave, keep fighting and reject anyone who makes you feel worthless. No person is worth that pain. xx